It started out as a typical day. The same old routine – Rise, Work, Eat, Sleep. Every night, my son and I typically have a “check-in” time just before he sleeps. We share a short prayer, review our highs and lows, a.k.a, his day, recalibrate and set our expectations for the next one. One fateful night, as I leaned in to kiss him goodnight, it was like kissing a dragon! He was burning hot, and the thermometer confirmed a 104-degree fever. Alarmed, I hustled him to the bathroom, dunked him in cold water, administered Tylenol, checked in fifteen minutes, and it had dialed down to a miserly 103 degrees – so, off to the ER we went at 11 pm and basically spent the night and half of the next day till his discharge armed with antiviral meds and directions to hydrate and flush out his system.
Here’s the point, routines and habits can literally save us. Praying helps too, but the little things we do automatically, our “habit loop”* determines if we survive and eventually become successful in life. Charles Duhigg’s insightful book “The Power of Habit” defines a habit as a choice that we deliberately made at some point; then stop thinking about but continue doing – often every day. Habits are patterns and formulas that are automated in our brains. He explores the 1990 MIT research on mice and the study of how habits are formed in the brain, tracking a simple cue-routine-reward loop. The book is a must-read for those who want to mindfully evaluate their daily routines. A conscious review of our automatic routines and habits helps visualize where our patterns and behaviors are leading us. So while the cue (like hunger or connection) and the reward (like well-being and endorphins) remain the same, the hack is in changing or replacing the automatic actions and habits we engage in to achieve that Big Change or higher goal. NYT best-selling author, James Clear of “Atomic Habits,” states it takes “active repetition” of the same behavior. His engaging Master Class encourages building on “easy” habits that stick to make progress toward your goals every day. He says that armed with good habits, time becomes your ally.
What are your keystone habits? BJ Fogg, who directs the Persuasive Tech Lab at Stanford University, shows that to lasting change does not lie in planning big, exercising willpower, or relying on motivation, but in thinking and adopting really small and “tiny habits”. These tiny add-on habits are wedged into our existing routine. His simple format is: After I do X, I will do Y (where X is a current routine and Y is a new habit we want to add) and for each successful follow-through, have a celebration! That ties into the cue-routine-reward loop, and soon little by little, we can see big changes in our lives. Check out BJ Fogg’s Behavior Grid and the Blue Zone about “Tiny Habits”. Also, his TEDx Talk gives some practical examples of how to apply the “Tiny Habit” principle.
In our home, meditation, gratitude, and prayer are daily practices. They’re integrated into our waking and sleeping routines. We connect to the source of Goodness, reminding ourselves that He is Love. The simple act of accessing the divine opens us to experience the multidimensional facets and expressions of His grace and love. This love preserves us in a busy and chaotic world. As we drove home from the ER that day, with my son doing much better, I was thankful that we have our daily “check-in” routine and our “tiny habit” of spending five to ten minutes each day connecting with no distractions. That act literally saved my son, who for some reason did not tell me he was feeling sick. Sometimes, it’s not a sudden provision or a significant miracle that proves God’s love, but when He stays the hand of the enemy and draws a line in the sand to protect and preserve us.
“Plant a tiny seed in the right spot and it will grow without coaxing.” BJ Fogg
Here are some quick steps to apply this in your life:
- Think about a big goal – losing weight, finishing that book, getting healthy, saving for the future, etc.
- Start with a decision and a vision
- Identify small, easy, and consistent steps
- Wedge those into your daily routine
- Celebrate each level and step of progress!
Like a seed planted without fuss or stress, we can organically evolve into better versions and visions of ourselves. Our success and the big changes stem from our daily activities – those routines and habits add up, and all we have to do is make sure they are aligned with our North Star.
Onward! AD
Ama Danesi 