All For The Perfect Name

 

I could have called myself

Maya — माया māyā

Supernatural being of wisdom

and power, an unfathomable plan,

a detachment from incomplete

fragments of reality, like a brief,

disturbed drop of water from

unbounded waves. How I could

attain to an illusion that both

conceals & pierces the veil?

I certainly had the consonants &

enough a’s

I had accumulated enough hurt,

pain and joy, I could pull this off–

and I had read “Why The Caged

Bird Sings”

With friends who thought the same.

Call yourself by what you love,

the presence of a phenomena

created within loins and

indelibly rented hearts –

Wife of, Husband of

Mother of, Father of

Child of, Friend of –

But it’s never enough,

we are both the hurt and

the healers colliding.

I denied these blanks –

they are the enemy.

I denied the power of

another’s election.

Once I changed to Eileen,

that sadness did not salve

the stinging.

Poll the candidates.

Roll the morsels off:

Aya, Suama

Mayak, Amayak

Ayak, Suam.

This is all so bad, the

heavy taste like lead,

weighing down –

down

my tongue.

Hands behind his back

he  leaned forward –

a giant ear.

Over my most sacred place –

my mind,

he  whispered a name

that drove me wild, bucking

to first find

love, then find me.

denominate –

I called myself,

Beloved.

Everything changes your life –

A name can do that to you.

Ama